Sure, you could say these things in English, but you’ll sound much smarter when you say them in Latin.

Vescere bracis meis – Eat my shorts.

Ut humiliter opinor – In my humble opinion

Di! Ecce hora! – God, look at the time!

Quid agis, medice? – What’s up, Doc?

Me transmitte sursum, caledoni – Beam me up Scotty.

(from Handy Latin Phrases)

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Fun things to do while riding in an elevator:

  1. Go into a crowded elevator and say “I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you all here.”
  2. Looking nowhere in particular, say “That’s a weird place to put a piano.”
  3. Sit down (possibly in a chair you bring with you).
  4. After someone exits the elevator, just as the doors are closing, say “Wait, you forgot your…”
  5. Get everyone on the elevator to agree to bust out laughing as soon as the elevator opens on the ground floor as if you just said an amazing joke. –
  6. When someone goes to push a button, stop them and ask “Wait, can I push it for you? I like the way it feels.”
  7. Wear headphones that aren’t plugged into anything. Quietly “sing along” to a ridiculous song.
  8. Face the wrong way.
  9. When going down, press the button for 3 floors. Get off at the first stop, run down and get back on the same elevator on the third spot.
  10. Hold the elevator doors open and explain to the other passengers that you’re waiting for your friend, George. Wait a few seconds and then turn to the empty space and ask “George, what took you so long?”
  11. Stand in the corner, whispering.
  12. Make race car noises any time someone gets on or off.
  13. Repeatedly whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World.”
  14. Offer name tags to people who enter the elevator.
  15. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  16. Yell “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
  17. Lean against the button panel.
  18. As the door closes on someone’s way out, whisper softly “I love you”, with enough time for them to turn around and make eye contact.
  19. As you get on, make a point of being seen slipping a $1 bill between the crack of the elevator car and the floor. Let a moment pass and ask them in your most nonchalant manner, “Do you think I should have tipped more?”
  20. As someone gets off, follow them and hold your finger to ear while saying “Target on the move.”

(from reddit)

 

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This redditor explains the humor of the joke “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

It seems to me that this joke is poorly understood. It’s not an anti-joke. It’s just a riddle. It was told at least half a century before the invention of the automobile, so crossing a road wouldn’t haven’t been considered a life-or-death gamble. (Also, the riddle predates the slang “chicken” as “coward” by even longer.)

Perhaps because we all learned it so young, the actual intent of the humor has never been considered by many.

When someone asks you “Why did the chicken cross the road?” you’re supposed to imagine all the myriad reasons a chicken would need to go someplace. A chicken might need to escape a predator, or to get back to a hen house, or to eat a bug he saw, or who knows what. The listener is supposed to assume that such a bizarre question must have an interesting answer.

The punchline is absurd because it answers the question without revealing the motivation of the chicken whatsoever. Of course the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side. That’s the primary reason anything ever crosses a road. The joke plays on the ambiguity of “why” questions. As Feynman notes, the deeper you go, the more interesting the answer gets. “To get to the other side” is the most shallow and uninteresting response imaginable, which is not expected by the listener.

Consider this exchange: “Why did you fly to London last weekend?” “Because it’s much too far to swim, idiot.”

Of course it’s too far to swim. The question wasn’t really about why the person chose to fly 3,000 miles rather than swim across the ocean. The listener expects an answer explaining the actual reason for the trip, but the answer given is ridiculously obvious. That’s the joke.

(from reddit)

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A variety of collective nouns for people: professions, classes and types.

  1. A banner of knights.
  2. A bench of Bishops.
  3. A disworship of Scots.
  4. A draught of butlers.
  5. A drunkenship of cobblers.
  6. A field of runners.
  7. A hastiness of cooks.
  8. A neverthriving of jugglers.
  9. A nucleus of physicists.
  10. A pantheon of gods.
  11. A peloton of cyclists.
  12. A ponder of philosophers.
  13. A portfolio of stockbrokers.
  14. A poverty of pipers.
  15. A rascal of boys.
  16. A ruck of football players.
  17. A scathe of zombies.
  18. A scull of friars.
  19. A set of mathematicians.
  20. A shower of meteorologists.
  21. A shuffle of bureaucrats.
  22. A state of princes.
  23. A superfluity of nuns.
  24. A thought of barons.
  25. A threatening of courtiers.
  26. A tumult of tuba players.
  27. A wisdom of grandparents.

from wikipedia.

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Someone started a great thread over on reddit about words that people mispronounce. In that discussion some funny misunderstood phrases broke out:

  1. For all intensive purposes…
    (“All intents and purposes”)
  2. She cut off her nose to spider-face.
    (“To spite her face”)
  3. It’s a doggy dog world.
    (“Dog eat dog world”)
  4. It’s a moo point.
    (“A moot point”)
  5. Don’t put her on a petal stool.
    (“On a pedestal”)
  6. You are a diamond dozen.
    (“Dime a dozen”)
  7. That really bottles the mind.
    (“Boggles the mind”)
  8. That’s just an old wise tale.
    (“Old wives’ tale”)
  9. I’m peachy king.
    (“Peachy keen”)
  10. You’re a spit and image of your father.
    (“Spitting image”)

(from Reddit)

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