Computer Programmer Joke

Oh crazy computer programming jokes:

A woman asks her husband, a programmer, to go shopping:

Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. Also, if they have eggs, buy a dozen.

OK, hun.

Twenty minutes later the husband comes back bringing 12 loaves of bread.

His wife is flabbergasted:

Dear, why on earth did you buy a dozen loaves of bread?

They had eggs(From)


Counting Sheep Office Joke

Office humor from out on the farm:

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a pasture when a brand new Jeep Cherokee pulled up beside him. The driver, a young man in an expensive suit, leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man and then at his flock and calmly answers "sure!" The man parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a complex Excel spreadsheet. He prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1586 sheep!"



Office Humor One Liners

One liners from the workplace:

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I write: "A very good doctor."
The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.


Job Evaluations You Don’t Want

We've all had our share of negative job evaluations, but you don't want to end up with any of these:

2. This associate is not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
7. He set low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them
22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other one is out looking for it.
26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you will get change.


Murphy’s Work Laws

Murphy's Law applied to the workplace:

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.(From)