Humor Quotes to Get You Through the Workday


The working day is always a grind, no matter who you are or where you work. With that in mind, here are some quotes from that will keep you laughing no matter what the day brings!

Waking up

“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” –Anonymous

“I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” –Anonymous

At the office

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” –Charles Lamb

“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” –Ronald Reagan

“To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.” –Anonymous

“If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it.” –Anonymous

“A filing cabinet is a place where you can lose things systematically.” –T.H. Thompson

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” –Douglas Adams

“If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.” –Wilson Mizner

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” –Jerome K. Jerome

Social Interaction

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” –Oscar Wilde

“A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.” –Caskie Stinnett

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” –Marilyn Monroe

“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” –Isaac Asimov

“Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.” –Albert Einstein

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” –Greg King

Public Speaking and Presentations

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! Does that sound right? That means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” –Jerry Seinfeld

“The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” –George Jessel


“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.” –Doug Larson

“How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to curse? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!'” –Anonymous

This is a guest post by Robert Cordray. Robert is a freelance writer and former business consultant and entrepreneur with over 20 years of experience in areas such as corporate leadership, employee engagement, workplace culture and entrepreneurship.

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