A redditor asked a for everyone’s funny clean jokes you can say in 20 seconds. There were a lot of great ones but here are my favorite:
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says “Hey did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!”. The other cow replies “Good thing I’m a helicopter.”
- How do you cure the bird flu? Tweetment. How do you cure swine flu? Oinkment.
- A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ropes in here.” The rope goes to the bathroom, ties itself up, messes up his hair and walks back to the bar and orders his drink. The bartender says, “Didn’t I just tell you? We don’t serve ropes in here.” The rope says, “I’m a frayed knot.”
- What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? His mom had to wake him up.
- What did the zero say to the eight? “Nice belt.”
- What does a pirate do on the weekend? YARRRRRRRRdwork.
- Why was the scarecrow awarded a nobel prize? Because he was out standing in his field.
- Just re-watched Benjamin Button, again. Never gets old.
- A man goes to the doctor with a carrot stuck up his nose and a banana sticking out of his ear and says “Doctor doctor! What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says “You’re not eating properly.”
- What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-naaaa!
- Knock, knock.