relationships

How to Build Relationships

By on October 24, 2011 in Learn with Humor

The final post in our series on relationships is on how to build relationships. If you’ve missed any of the previous posts, it’s worth checking them out first:

  1. The Importance of Relationships at Work
  2. 7 Types of Work Relationships
  3. 5 Stages of Relationships
  4. Stages of Relationships Model
  5. 7 Qualities of Meaningful Relationships

Unfortunately, there’s no magic process to building relationships, whether professional or personal. But by having a strong understanding of the concepts above, you’ll be on your way to building stronger relationships, not just at work, but in all walks of life. To help you in the right direction, here are 10 Tips to Building Relationships:

  1. Listen more, talk less. Rather than constantly force your ideas on others, listen to what they have to say and build from there.
  2. Pay attention to non-verbal cues. In one-on-one interactions, up to 93% of communication is non-verbal. Pick up on how someone is really feeling to truly understand what they are trying to / wish they could say.
  3. Learn the other person’s name. Use it. Often a person’s favorite word in any language is their own name, use it to show that you care enough about them to have learned it, and that you’re trying to connect with them.
  4. Follow the Platinum Rule. Treat others how THEY want to be treated.
  5. Be honest. Just be honest about how you feel. Lying is more difficult and instantly breaks any trust you’ve built.
  6. Keep your commitments. If you’ve said you’ll be somewhere or do something, be that somewhere and do that something. Breaking your commitments is a form of dishonesty.
  7. Walk in their shoes. Try to truly understand where they are coming from and how it makes them feel. Empathize with them.
  8. Have a sense of humor. Not only is humor a great way of establishing and maintaining relationships, it’s also a great mentality to have when things become tense or stressful.
  9. Don’t forget about yourself. The best relationships are the ones where two independent people come together. If you don’t work on your own issues, problems and insecurities, you’ll never support the other person as much as you truly could.
  10. Divorce your non-friends. Not everyone deserves to be around you. If the person is detrimental to your work or well-being, find a way to not be around them (whether through finding a new job or choosing not to hang out with them).

How to Build Relationships By following these tips and building the qualities of meaningful relationships through to the Continue stage, you can build relationships that will improve your work, increase your workplace satisfaction and make life more fun.

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7 Qualities of Meaningful Relationships

By on October 10, 2011 in Learn with Humor

In order to learn how to build relationships, it’s important to understand what makes for a meaningful relationship. That’s the topic of this next post in our relationship series (see also: The Importance of Relationships, 7 Types of Work Relationships and the 5 Stages of Relationships).

A meaningful relationship is characterized as a relationship that is of personal significance, is healthy, caring, and long-lasting, and is one we couldn’t do without. It’s with a person who helps us grow, supports and encourages us and is there for us when we need them. This is what it means to be in the Continue stage, and is indicative of a mentor/mentee relationship or life friends.

In order to be in a meaningful relationship, it must exhibit seven key characteristics, aka the 7 Qualities of Meaningful Relationships.

#1. Communication
What: Communication is the expression and receiving of the thoughts, ideas and feelings of another person.
Why: It’s critical to relationships because it’s the only way people connect. It’s instrumental to the other qualities listed below and is often the first thing to go when a relationship starts to deteriorate.
How: The key to strong communication is expressing yourself clearly and honestly and fully listening to the other person, seeking to understand what they are communicating (both verbally and non-verbally).

#2. Respect
What: Respect means to hold someone else, their ideas and existence, in high esteem and in a positive light.
Why: Without respect for oneself and the other person, a relationship cannot thrive with honesty and interdependence.
How: To show respect, follow the Platinum Rule: treat others how THEY want to be treated.

#3. Honesty
What: Honesty means your words match your actions–you are truthful about what you do.
Why: Honesty is critical to meaningful relationships because it is one of the pillars of trust, and without it, the relationship is likely to fail.
How: Being honest involves communicating clear expectations of yourself and the other person, admitting to any mistakes and expressing how you honestly feel.

#4. Dependability
What: Dependability includes integrity, and means your actions match your words–you do what you say what you’re going to do.
Why: Dependability is the second pillar of trust and is a crucial show of support for the other person.
How: To be dependable, keep your commitments and promises and be present for the other person, both physically and mentally.

#5. Empathy
What: Empathy is the vicarious experience of the thoughts, feelings and emotions of another person.
Why: A step beyond sympathy, empathy is the ultimate sign of support for the other person because you truly walk in their shoes and experience what they experience.
How: As Stephen Covey describes it: seek first to understand, then to be understand. Focus on truly understanding what the other person is going through and feeling before trying to fix it, respond to it or ignore it.

#6. Interdependence
What: Interdependence is when two independent people come together to create a strong relationship.
Why: Interdependence is stronger than a co-dependent relationship because both people are coming from a solid foundation. This has a powerful effect and leads to “the whole being great than the sum of the parts.”
How: Interdependence comes from thinking Win-Win in every scenario–find ways both independent people can benefit from each decision.

#7. Purpose
What: Every strong relationship has a purpose–a reason that the two people are connecting, associating or being involved with each other. It could be for career perspective, guidance, socializing, love or a thousand other things.
Why: The purpose helps to dictate what is expected and appropriate of the relationship; without it, a relationship isn’t worth the time or effort because it provides no value to at least one of the participants.
How: Defining a purpose includes evaluating why you are in a relationship and aligning with the other person the reason the relationship exists.

7 Qualities of Meaningful Relationships

There is more depth to each of these qualities, but the above synopsis gives you a starting point to understanding what it takes to have a meaningful relationship. By working on each of these qualities, you can grow your relationships into the Continue stage and reap the benefits of meaningful relationships.

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Stages of Relationships Model

By on September 27, 2011 in Learn with Humor

Yesterday we talked about the 5 stages of relationships. To help you better understand the stages, here’s a diagram of the stages along with the key characteristics of each (click on the image to make it larger).

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5 Stages of Relationships

By on September 26, 2011 in Learn with Humor

The next topic in our current series on relationships is the five stages of relationships (previous topics include the importance of relationships at work and 7 types of work relationships).

The stages of relationships (based on George Levinger’s model) help us understand how we can move from type of work relationship to another. If you want to go from co-worker to work friend, or team-member to mentor, having an understanding of these stages will help you determine what’s needed to get to the next level.

The 5 Stages of Relationships

#1. Acquaint

The first stage of any relationship is that of acquaintance. This stage of relationships houses the people on the periphery of your social circle, your co-workers. You see them at work or work-sponsored events, conversations are either shop talk or otherwise light and inconsequential.

Acquaintanceship is essentially the default stage of relationships. As a socially-adapted person, you can quickly reach this stage with just about anyone simply by being your naturally charming self and actually interacting with people. This stage is suitable for co-workers who you don’t actually co-work with often, but for any direct reports, managers or team-members, you’ll want to move to the next phase–buildup.

#2. Buildup

During the buildup phase, the two people involved have an increased level of trust and comfort with each other. In a professional context, this can take the form of an adviser role, the beginnings of a mentorship, or as members of a team or committee.

When in this type of relationship, it is possible to influence the decisions and actions of a coworker and client. In order to preserve the relationship, it is important to not only act as a co-worker but also as a friend. Get to know the other person personally and use your influence sparingly and positively. Engaging in abuse of the privileges of your friendship can easily and quickly lead to its degradation or dissolution (stage 4).

The buildup phase takes the most consistent effort as it moves a relationship from acquaintance to continuation. Extended focus in this stage naturally leads into the most friendly of the stages—Continue.

#3. Continue

In Continue, there’s a deepening of trust and commitment to the relationship, and a corresponding increase in the amount of influence both people can exercise.

This is the ideal stage to have with your managers, direct reports and mentors/mentees after working with them for a period of time. This is where you’ll reap the benefits of better communication, improved productivity and an increased satisfaction with work.

Increased effort to maintain the relationship at this level comes with the increased trust and influence. It doesn’t have to be as constant as in the buildup stage, but it does have to be meaningful. Without that increase in effort, the relationship is likely to start deteriorating (stage 4), leading to a return to the acquaintance or termination stages.

#4. Deteriorate

Despite its negative connotation, deterioration is often a natural and necessary phase of professional relationships. No one works the same job forever, and circumstances frequently lead to a change in proximity between people, or even a change in the frequency of contact. Without paying special effort and attention to its maintenance, the relationship can revert back to an earlier stage in the personal relationship continuum.

As one of the people involved in the relationship, it falls on you to consider the benefits and drawbacks associated with maintaining or allowing the relationship to lapse. Frequently, in a professional atmosphere, a change in proximity or frequency of contact should be seen as an indication that change may be necessary.

#5. End

As with deterioration, there is no need to let the End stage’s connotations influence your perception of this phase of relationships. It is extremely unlikely that you will remain in contact with everyone you meet throughout your entire professional career, and so termination will be a natural step in many of your workplace relationships.

5 Stages of Relationships

Recognizing and becoming familiar with the concept of these stages will help you to make successful transitions between teams, projects and even companies. It can help also help you move from one type of relationship to another, depending on your role, needs and interests.

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7 Types of Work Relationships

September 12, 2011

Now that we’ve covered the importance of relationships at work, let’s talk about the types of work relationships that exist. Understanding the different types can help you determine the role your existing relationships play, and which ones you may be lacking. First and foremost, not all work relationships are created equal–some will help propel your [...]

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Humor at Work: Relationship Training at OSU

September 9, 2011

Columbus, OH – I once again returned to The Ohio State University, this time to give Relationship Training to the incoming Resident Advisors for the year. We talked about relationships in theory (presentation), in practice (through interactive exercises) and in application (through roleplay). Overall, the event was a blast and the training was well-received. I [...]

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The Importance of Relationships in the Workplace

July 18, 2011

Over the next few weeks, we’ll be covering the different types of work relationships, the various stages of relationships and how to build stronger, more meaningful relationships at work. But before we do all that, why do we even care? Why are relationships in the workplace important? Why read the following 400 words? I could [...]

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Team-Building Activity – Telephone Pictionary

July 6, 2011

What’s better than Pictionary? Telephone Pictionary that helps you get to know your team a little better. Telephone Pictionary, a game that combines elements of the classic verbal exercise of Telephone with the fun drawing of the game Pictionary, is great for any size group, so long as they can be broken into smaller groups [...]

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Humor at Work: Improv Class at National Sales Meeting 2011

April 8, 2011

Las Vegas, NV – I was once again invited back to the P&G Prestige National Sales Meeting (this year dubbed Leadership University), but unlike in years past, I didn’t perform stand-up. Instead, I taught members of the organization improvisation as part of their “recharge” sessions. The classes focused on the most fundamental maxim in improvisation: [...]

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5 Reasons to Use Humor in an Interview

January 28, 2011

When preparing for an interview, it’s likely you have been given the advice to be serious when you meet with people at your prospective job; it’s important to know that advice is absolutely wrong (unless you’re interviewing to be a funeral director, banker (of doom), or to play Buster Keaton in a biopic). It’s true [...]

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